


The Harder I Try, I Can't Forget You

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [133]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Gen, POV Third Person Omniscient, Perry doesn't want a soulmate, Perry gets reassigned, Perry makes choices, Perry regrets some of his choices, Platonic Soulmates, dream-based soulmates, mostly a rewrite of the Regurgitator episode into this AU, you could take this as pre-romance if you really wanted but it could go either way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27118696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: Perry the Platypus had a problem. Said problem was about six foot two, had messy brown hair, a whiny voice, bright blue eyes that lit up at every scheme, and went by the name Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Hisnemesis.And also, though he dearly wanted to ignore this fact, his soulmate.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus
Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [133]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746841
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37
Collections: Perryshmirtz Week 2020





	The Harder I Try, I Can't Forget You

**Author's Note:**

> Perryshmirtz Week Day 2: Separation / **Reassigned**

Perry the Platypus had a problem. Said problem was about six foot two, had messy brown hair, a whiny voice, bright blue eyes that lit up at every scheme, and went by the name Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz. His _nemesis_.

And also, though he dearly wanted to ignore this fact, his soulmate.

At night, or ideally during the day, he dreamed of warm hands and a soft voice, and had done ever since he'd hatched. Not every night. Between his worst nightmares, and the occasional blissfully dreamless sleep, he only had the _other_ dreams about once a week, comforting in the moment but troubling upon waking.

His forays into Candace's room, sneaking in while she was asleep to read her teen magazines, had given him the answer: he had a _soulmate_. A perfect match in every way.

The thought had unsettled him, even at the time, when all he knew of his soulmate was that presence. A great romance, if the magazines were to be believed. 

Pacing around his lair, he'd growled under his breath, processing that information. Who was fate to decide _for_ him? He already had all the relationships he needed in his owners, his family, his _home_. That was enough for him. Besides, he didn't have the time for a soulmate, between his job and his family.

Then he'd met the man.

It had been obvious to him from the first fight, the first time his new nemesis had laid hands on him, that _this_ was who he'd dreamed about. His supposed soulmate. The thought was anything but reassuring.

His response was to throwing himself into his work, taking on assignment after assignment, driving himself to exhaustion, collapsing onto the nearest bed each night for what little sleep he could get away with. If he didn't dream, he'd reasoned, he could forget he had a soulmate at all.

Weeks passed, in which his nemesis never brought up the concept of soulmates even _once_. Perry had come to know Doctor D fairly well in that time, the result of barely going a day without needing to thwart the man, and he _knew_ the man could not help himself when it came to expressing each and every thought, no matter how petty. There were only two possibilities. Either the soulmate bond only went one way and _he_ wasn't _Doctor D's_ soulmate, or the man was-

"A platypus?" Doctor D gasped, not for the first time, and Perry put on his agent fedora with a sign. Somehow the man still didn't recognise him without it. " _Perry_ the Platypus?"

-Oblivious.

Of _course_ Doctor D was oblivious. Perry had figured _that_ out long ago, during a dime he thought of only as The Peter The Panda Incident.

Why he'd taken the man back as a nemesis after that, on the other paw, he had _no_ idea. Doctor D wasn't a _bad_ nemesis by any means, merely inconvenient to Perry's plans for his life.

Or maybe it was that Perry, as much as he resented the fact he had a soulmate in the first place, still couldn't bring himself to refuse the man. Thwarting his nemesis was his _job_ , and that included thwarting the attempted destruction of his nemesisship.

His nemesis brought up _dreams_ , one day, mid-monologue, an aside about dreams of curling around a furred body. Like Perry's own. Except the man never reached that obvious conclusion, no matter how much Perry tensed with apprehension and dread, waiting for the man to voice his other greatest fear. And yet, all the man did was link the dreams to a backstory, of all things.

A certain Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz had, apparently, been raised by ocelots. If Perry hadn't come to know the man so well by this point, he might have been surprised.

As it was, he was more glad the man hadn't realised what he'd lose when Perry's reassignment paperwork went through. Any day now, he told himself, with gritted teeth. The sooner he got away from his _soulmate_ , the better.

That it would cost him his family, he hadn't expected.

He kept his face straight for the majority of the reassignment briefing, too professional to openly dance for joy the way his heart wanted, then Major Monogram had continued, giving him the bad news. Relocation. A new host family. His good mood shattered, replaced once again with dread. But what other choice did he have? He'd _asked_ for this, and orders were orders. New nemesis, new host family, new _life_.

And his old food bowl, a memento to remember _this_ family by. He couldn't afford to take anything more.

At least he was far away from Doctor D now, he told himself, all the way to his new nemesis's lair in the middle of the desert. That almost made it okay. Almost.

Said new nemesis barely acknowledged his existence, and threw him carelessly into a trap that didn't give him any opportunity to escape. He didn't even have a _monologue_ for Perry. Maybe, Perry tried _not_ to think, he'd been better off with Doctor D. The man was a far better nemesis than this _The Regurgitator_.

But a soulmate? No, Perry _refused_. He'd never asked for a soulmate, he had no need of one, he had his family and his job, he didn't need a soulmate, or _fate_ making decisions for him for that matter. Just once, he wanted some control over his own life.

Then Doctor D showed up. The last person Perry wanted anything to do with in that moment, for reasons that should be obvious.

For one thing, Perry couldn't predict how the man would take the news of him thwarting someone else. _Not_ like The Peter The Panda Incident, he'd at least made sure the man would _know_ he was thwarting something else via a request for a gift basket sent to Doctor D's apartment, but was this really any better? Replacing his nemesis...

Thankfully, Doctor D didn't so much as comment on that part. In fact, the man barely addressed Perry at all, instead sucking up to this new nemesis, to the point Perry had no other option than to believe the parting gift basket had described this The Regurgitator as _particularly_ Evil. Perry, alas, had learned all too well how fragile Doctor D's self-esteem could be even at the best of times.

Perry didn't regret his _actions_ , as such. Merely the fact that Doctor D had chosen to follow him.

For one thing, taking a three-year internship? Perry had seen what happened to interns at the O.W.C.A., particularly unpaid interns, and even Doctor D didn't deserve _that_. Let alone the shirt the man wore. Not for the first time, Perry wished the man had more self-respect.

He got an uncomfortably close view of said shirt when Doctor D started tinkering with the wiring of the trap, muttering under his breath. "Evil scientists these days, don't even know how to put in a proper _release button_. What's the point of Evil if you're not going to give your _nemesis_ a _fair fight_?" A sentiment Perry couldn't help but agree with.

As the man worked, Perry took note of everything he'd rarely had the chance to pay attention to mid-thwart, for lack of a better option. Doctor D's intense focus on his work, as steely-eyed as Perry himself could be. The steadiness of his fingers. That the man _could_ be quiet for more than half a second, his tongue sticking out whenever the man wasn't busy listing his every gripe and complaint.

More importantly, in this moment, that the man had installed a _release button_ in the trap, just within reach. If Perry wanted, he could press it now. But, as with Doctor D, he waited. Had to pick his moment.

"Don't look at me like that, Perry the Platypus," Doctor D muttered, louder, slipping his tools back into a pocket and picking up the nearby mop to scrub the floor. Covering the evidence. "I know what you're thinking. I-I'm not some lowly intern. I'm _Heinz Doofenshmirtz_ , and _he_ should be bowing to _me_."

If he said so. Perry exhaled, eyes narrow and expectations low, as Doctor D stormed over to The Regurgitator. And retreated back. A glare from him sent the man scurrying once more, standing up to the much-taller Regurgitator.

The cage didn't allow much freedom of movement so Perry watched out of the corner of his eye, listening intently. Rocket shoes, a self-destruct button...

Of course Doctor D had already _pressed_ said button.

"But at least I didn't push the release button I installed inside Perry the Platypus's cage," the man added with apparent pride.

That was Perry's cue. Slamming his foot onto the button, he freed himself at last, a plan forming in his mind already. Doctor D had already told him what to look for. Between the man's inventions, and a lever Perry had noticed when first entering the room, he could make it. If he was fast enough.

Sacrificing his food bowl to hit the lever, he jumped at the rocket boots, and got them all out before the place exploded. It had been hard to give up such a prized possession, but what other choice did he have?

Doctor D owed him.

Not that the man seemed to notice _that_ either, still monologuing as Perry bore them away with the rocket boots. "You _saved_ me, Perry the Platypus. No idea _why_ , you're very hard to read, unless... You _do_ care? Either that or you're too much of a Good Guy. I mean _I_ would have been _fine_ , I've blown myself up before, but it's a nice gesture! And here I'd wondered if you _wanted_ to leave, if you've had _enough_ of me, but I guess not, he really was a _bigger threat_ -"

Wincing, Perry clenched the man's lab coat tighter in his fingers. Doctor D was more right than he knew.

"You _left_ me?" Doctor D said, hurt evident in his voice, and Perry wondered what gave him away. "Deliberately? I- Wow, I thought we _had_ something, but I guess _not_. Do I mean _anything_ to you?"

Perry exhaled. Maybe he'd acted too rashly, let his feelings affect his job. What did it matter if Doctor D was his _soulmate_? It wasn't like he needed to do anything _with_ that information, especially with the man too oblivious to realise himself.

But not too oblivious to realise what Perry had _done_. "Do you even _want_ to thwart me?" Doctor D continued, and Perry wasn't sure if it was the wind or if the man's voice was catching. "After everything _I've_ done for _you_..."

Like helping him thwart The Regurgitator. Doctor D hadn't said as much, but it was hard to mistake his actions for anything else. Perry supposed the man had a reputation to keep up as an evil scientist. And yet, what Perry had seen was definitely sabotage. Lining everything up for a perfect thwarting...

Not even for the first time, he realised all at once. All their fights had followed the same exact pattern. Trap, monologue, fight, self-destruct button, Doctor D cursing his name. And Perry returning to his owners that afternoon, without fail. How many other evil scientists could give him that? Not many, if any.

" _Why?_ " Doctor D demanded, a definite crack in his voice now. "Things were going so _well_ , I thought I gave you what you _needed_... Were you getting _bored_ of me? You _were_ , weren't you? I can _tell_. Go on, you can _say_ it, tell me how I wasn't _Evil_ enough for you..."

That wasn't it, but how could Perry tell him the truth? _Soulmates_. The thought still made him shudder, so the last thing he wanted was for the man to know. He'd make it Perry's problem. Moreso than it already was, anyway.

But Doctor D _had_ asked. And his cover didn't depend on the answer, so as his resolve crumbled Perry found himself shaking his head, hoping the man could feel it through the lab coat that was all that connected them. It was nothing the man had _done_. Merely a decision that had been made for them, whether they wanted it or not. Doctor D hadn't chosen to be soulmates either.

What the man _had_ chosen, on the other paw, was to give Perry a choice of his own, after The Peter The Panda Incident, and again _now_. To return to their nemesisship as it was, or move on.

Heaving a sigh, Perry sent a message to Major Monogram.

His watch beeped a second later, with a new message from Major Monogram himself, to congratulate him on his victory over The Regurgitator. And, more importantly-

"You can return immediately to your host family, and Doctor Doofenshmirtz is once again your nemesis."

-Exactly what he'd asked for. Fate may have chosen Doctor D to be his soulmate, but _he'd_ chosen the man as his _nemesis_. No one else could keep up with him the way Doctor D could.

"So if we're enemies again," Doctor D began, "does that mean?"

Perry let go. That was what _enemies_ did, after all. While he still didn't want a _soulmate_ , having a nemesis... Doctor D was a good nemesis. He hoped the man knew that. From the man's scream as he hit the ground, Perry suspected he _did_.

Music filled the air as he approached Danville once more, and he smiled to himself. He'd expected nothing less from his family.

That night, he took advantage of Candace's misplaced guilt to curl up on her bed, partly as reassurance that he didn't blame her for what she couldn't know was O.W.C.A. business, and partly so he could flick through her magazines when she wasn't looking. If he was going to keep in contact with his soulmate, he needed to know what to expect, what to look out for, and especially what loopholes he could find.

And, buried deep within the pages of one of them, was the information he so desperately needed, for his own peace of mind: that a soulmate bond meant only that the relationship would be important in some way, nothing more. In other words, exactly what he already had with his nemesis.

For an agent, nemesisship would always be a life-defining relationship, and frequently also a death-defining one. He'd always known that.

Most importantly, nothing would have to change.

Having found what he was looking for, Perry relaxed, a weight off his shoulders. The implications of a soulmate had always bothered him, particularly with how the magazines had always framed the bond. But what _he_ had was a _nemesis_. That was who his soulmate was to him, a lifelong enemy.

That night, he dreamed of his nemesis once more. Warm hands pinning him down, a soft voice as the man monologued, and when Perry woke it was with a smile.

Over the coming months, as his nemesisship developed further, he would come to take comfort in its stability. Nemeses fought. Nemeses gave each other something to strive for. Nemeses supported each other. Nemeses held hands. Nemeses _apologised_. No one ever said any of it had to be a _soulmate_ thing.

Doctor D was still a problem, but the man was, more than anything, _Perry's_ problem to look after. As a nemesis. That was what mattered, and Perry wouldn't have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Larger Than Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0GOqXIaJX0) by The Feelers.
> 
> This took longer to title than it did to edit *sobs* And the editing was pretty significant, too.
> 
> Perryshmirtz server in series description, also check out the rest of Perryshmirtz Week in the collection or the [tumblr blog](https://perryshmirtz-events.tumblr.com/).


End file.
